dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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