I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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