Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
