He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
