I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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