if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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