Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You're a waste of cheezeits
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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