i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
