By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
