remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
