Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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