see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
