I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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