Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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