I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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