tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
