your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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