I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
