Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
