i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
