Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
