I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
