I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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