he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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