I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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