They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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