thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
