why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
