that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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