I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
