If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
