thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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