So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
