its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize