where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
