The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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