Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
