hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
