dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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