I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
