I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My liver just broke up with me...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Even my vagina gasped.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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