We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
