You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
