Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
