why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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