You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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