They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
