Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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