im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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