I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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