Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
