You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
