We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
