alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was like eating out sand paper
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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