Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
