so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
