actually, I'm a sock model
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
