Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
