Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
