1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i think my cat just said my name.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
