i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
