So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
