True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
