Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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