i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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