YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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