this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
