True but thats because hes a fetus.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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