i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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