Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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