I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
