you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
