I must be too annoying 4 u.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
