Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
