I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
