True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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