in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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