I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
